Ah, the joy of being one with the world! Of knowing that I am one of the teeming masses, unhappy with their looks (whether benign or malignant) and having sworn to resolve the issue by hook or by crook, embarked upon a journey of self sacrifice and will powering.
Gandhi would've been proud I say. We should all have been recruits in the hunger abhiyans by now, serving to save the nation as well as our sad behinds. Sigh. To have been born in the right age.
What can I say about Salad leaves that hasn't already been said? That they're green and go well only with substances destined to destroy the very reason d'etre of the former? Salads and dressings go together like... well, cheese and lasagna. One cannot simply take one and separate from the other and expect them to like it, can one?
And yet after years of looking at the decrepit (they are rotted to perfection you know... the rotter the better) and harmless looking hunks of yellow (or blue depending on the type), one wonders. Does cheese kill? Would the salad be worth having without all the calories?
The apes did us a bad turn the day they Became. Who ever heard of an ape looking at a fat behind (or befront for that matter) and going on a diet? I have it on good authority that in the apes (as they exist today) the fatter the better. No slim shadies for them.
On the other hand, there's always the option of exercise. Swingin from the trees is all fine, but getting on a runway that never goes anywhere (or a pair of wheels that do nothing much else) is far too symbolic of the human tragedy to be bearable. That and its boring.
Now if there was a way to watch the calories off through television, there'd be a glut of beauties sittin in their parlours watching the neighborhood saas and bahus gain weight.
Or for the hepper vein (such as I, I might add), watch the friendly not so neighborhood blonde bombshells (puleeze, all serials HAVE to have one of those; its like the K factor) gettin some weight where it DOESN'T count :D
Or maybe the Victorians had it right. Fat babes, with delicate sensibilities to boot. No one expected THOSE prima donnas to work without a bevvy of maids and a barrel of smelling salts. Kept the men on their working boots and good for them too.
As I said earlier... to have been born in the right age. I ain't fat for my age; I'm behind the times.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Once upon a time in a land far far away...
Yep, here I am again. And yes, I know that I seem to be making a habit of saying that.
Another day at the office and another step towards total world domination through the convoluted yet deceptively simple device of crosswords. The scum won't even know what hit them and soon I shall have every single person hooked on to them, and shall then commence to manipulate their will to my bidding. Huuaaa haaa haaa haa(that's my evil world domination plan laugh by the by).
Yes, it is obvious that I haven't much to do isn't it? I suppose this is a rather damaging sin to confess to, considering that prospective employers prowl the net looking for the slightest evidence of neglect and slacking down. Sigh. I'll never be employed again.
As life chugs on, emitting the occasional grunt and clicking its claws at passersby, I fail to understand the logic behind it all. What's the point? Please note how bravely I have so far kept off the "Why are we here" topic that seems to have no dearth of takers in the market.
However, that, for me is an open and shut case (simple decision according to the crossy). Here's what happened... pay close attention now, this concerns the holy as well as the unholy dead who preceded us and left this bag of **** for us to handle on a daily basis.
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, there were a bunch of apes (not grapes mind you, though I do like those.. hmmm, long time no grape) who lived happily among their trees and a far greater variety of flora and fauna than present on Earth today.
Then one day, one ape hit a rock (purely symbolic, simply to denote a turning point in the story, he may as well have turned over in his sleep, though that hasnt the drama of hitting a painful rock) and his genes mutated. Note that all simplifications are for the good of fellow mankind, of whom I have a low opinion as far as the intellect polls go.
And the ape began to BE. Suddenly he was no longer just an ape. He was an Ape and he Knew. And He began his quest to discover what else He could Know and to learn what He Was. The more He Knew, the better equipped he was to lord over the apes and the more the gene mutated.
Soon, the apes were all gone and all that were left were the Apes. And these Apes soon realised that they could do without working, without swinging from trees and could quite well live in proper caves, thank you very much.
Thus began an era of decadence and invention which has never seen an end, even to this day, and the Apes have left their simple lives far far behind. They now live in a world where layer upon layer of artifice has been added to their days, to find them something to do, for them to feel needed and wanted and fulfilled.
And in all the world, with the technology and the advancement and the wars and the awards and money and power, not a single Ape survives that doesn't really wish simply to swing from the trees again and simple be an ape as all were meant to be.
Off to dream of my tree,
The Ed.
Another day at the office and another step towards total world domination through the convoluted yet deceptively simple device of crosswords. The scum won't even know what hit them and soon I shall have every single person hooked on to them, and shall then commence to manipulate their will to my bidding. Huuaaa haaa haaa haa(that's my evil world domination plan laugh by the by).
Yes, it is obvious that I haven't much to do isn't it? I suppose this is a rather damaging sin to confess to, considering that prospective employers prowl the net looking for the slightest evidence of neglect and slacking down. Sigh. I'll never be employed again.
As life chugs on, emitting the occasional grunt and clicking its claws at passersby, I fail to understand the logic behind it all. What's the point? Please note how bravely I have so far kept off the "Why are we here" topic that seems to have no dearth of takers in the market.
However, that, for me is an open and shut case (simple decision according to the crossy). Here's what happened... pay close attention now, this concerns the holy as well as the unholy dead who preceded us and left this bag of **** for us to handle on a daily basis.
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, there were a bunch of apes (not grapes mind you, though I do like those.. hmmm, long time no grape) who lived happily among their trees and a far greater variety of flora and fauna than present on Earth today.
Then one day, one ape hit a rock (purely symbolic, simply to denote a turning point in the story, he may as well have turned over in his sleep, though that hasnt the drama of hitting a painful rock) and his genes mutated. Note that all simplifications are for the good of fellow mankind, of whom I have a low opinion as far as the intellect polls go.
And the ape began to BE. Suddenly he was no longer just an ape. He was an Ape and he Knew. And He began his quest to discover what else He could Know and to learn what He Was. The more He Knew, the better equipped he was to lord over the apes and the more the gene mutated.
Soon, the apes were all gone and all that were left were the Apes. And these Apes soon realised that they could do without working, without swinging from trees and could quite well live in proper caves, thank you very much.
Thus began an era of decadence and invention which has never seen an end, even to this day, and the Apes have left their simple lives far far behind. They now live in a world where layer upon layer of artifice has been added to their days, to find them something to do, for them to feel needed and wanted and fulfilled.
And in all the world, with the technology and the advancement and the wars and the awards and money and power, not a single Ape survives that doesn't really wish simply to swing from the trees again and simple be an ape as all were meant to be.
Off to dream of my tree,
The Ed.
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