Black Clouds on the Horizon

"The Time Has Come...", The Walrus Said...

There's something about year-ends.

It's cliched and old and positively archaic, yet there is something about the dying out of yet another period. Perhaps it brings out the heathen in all of us. Craven and fearful of what time might bring, superstitious of the future, no matter what the present holds.

It makes one introspect and delve into dark recesses, climb out and keenly observe from the outside, the image one presents.

Peering into corners and dusty bylanes both in the exterior and the interior and cogitate and ask oneself most waveringly "How do i look?".

"What is it that I present to the world? Am I good enough? Will I be fired?"

And worst of all, that eternal question. "Does Mommy/ Daddy/ The paddy farmer down the lane love me?"

We look within and without for those secret anomalies we possess. Those shameful, huddled bends in our lives which fall below the perfection we wish for, nay demand from ourselves.

Work Harder. Be Better. Compete. Win. Be Loved. Be Worthy.

We set the standards, and believe them to be set by forces external to ourselves, in turn becoming a source of hurt and disillusionment. How could anyone possibly find us worthy when we fail the tests set out for us? How could we possibly be "good" when we judge ourselves below par; sub-standard?

We run and we hide from these fears, thrust them away in the murky waters of memory. And like a river in monsoon, they come flooding back when its time for the annual life review. Each year the burden becomes heavier, the sediment increases each time the giant question marks are shuffled away.

Perhaps this was the reason New Year Resolutions were created. To give the cobwebs of the mind an airing; to allow us to spring clean and throw out those matters of the buggy kind, which would otherwise fester and cause much unhappiness.

I know what I will try this year. Maybe try to remove as much of that guilt as possible. Maybe try to see myself as a person; a good and worthy person. One who is loved and genuinely liked. Maybe even one who spreads happiness and good cheer.

Perhaps the world would be a better place for having done so, what?

Ah choo!

There comes a time in every bug's life...